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To Do….. Vs To Be…..

To Do :

1.) …….
2.) …….
3.) …….
4.) …….
5.) …….

As i start my day, like anyone else i run through a list of items i have for the day. A list of…. items spilling over from yesterday, ones that were planned for today and many more that will makes its way in … all while trying to see how many can or importantly cannot move onto tomorrow’s list.

Whilst fending against the list from growing any longer as the day progresses than what I started out with , there is an interesting pattern i notice. As i look back at the ones previously used, it appears that there were some items (and some still are) on the list which shouldn’t have otherwise recurred. These are the little people issues, which are conveniently ignored … and any deliberation here has ineluctably led me to a point where i find myself telling “out of your control”.

Its common knowledge that one has difficulties communicating one’s tone while chatting/texting or at times in emails even, which kinda messes up with the underlying intent.

Its worse when you are trying to be rhetorical or euphemistic. And if you have been chatting with me lately, you know what i am all about when i say so.

Nothing offlate has intrigued me more than the pragmatics of human communication…. human behavior is a close second …. followed by the taste of emmental cheese. And while each teaches some important lessons, this however might be the most important lesson i might have learnt of them all …

The meaning of what you are trying to communicate is how the person at the other end takes it. No matter how well-structured , informed, simple or even well-intentioned your communication is, how ever the other person understood or took your communication is its meaning.

How do you like that for a start?

  1. August 18, 2010 at 1:48 am

    “followed by the taste of emmental cheese.” I almost rolled off my bed laughing so hard!! šŸ˜€
    And you couldn’t be more right. People hear what they want to hear even if you didnt mean/actually say it. They will believe anything that suits them best.

    Electronic communication comes with its flaws and it is very easy to misunderstand the tone/intent on the conversation. But once you have found your groove with said person, I think its easy to catch the real meaning of the conversation.

    P.S: Let me know how putting the little people issues to the bottom of the list works out for you. It never worked out for me!

    Always confused!

    • hk
      August 23, 2010 at 9:27 am

      I think its partly our psychology too .. ever wondered how we easily believe someone who tells us what we want to hear. This apart, i guess ( rather i hope ) there is more to this dynamic.
      And when i say “.. the little people issues…” , i mean “little ,(pause) people issues” , and not “little people,(pause) issues” …. you see the extent of the problem ???
      And about finding the grove,i think i agree… but then evidently it works perfectly when the context is personal, i.e with a friend, family member etc.
      But how for does one skip and hop, to ensure a person he/she is working with( also whom he/she have never seen) gets your grove?

      And oh, i never treated them like issues thus far so they were never on the list, but i think they will be going forward…. not a smooth transition i gather šŸ˜¦

  2. Swetha
    August 18, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Every conversation, even the ones face to face happen that way. Each of our minds map differently. As we grow older, our thought process patterns are more rigid. Anything that is heard is mapped on, in a usual normal adult to a personal experience, just by that, the perspective of what you were trying to convey maybe lost. All saying all this, you can only hope you could convey what you anted to. Especially when your idea gets complex šŸ™‚

    • hk
      August 23, 2010 at 10:40 am

      I know!! Imagination … a boon or a bane, i wonder at times.
      But its amazing how our minds choose to do that without conscious effort. And the story only gets worse when the idea is complex!

  3. August 18, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    One of the important parts of a conversation is the environment and recent history of the participants(both individual and mutual). This is often ignored as insignificant but I believe as the conversation gets more intimate or theoretical it becomes important to weigh it with those parts as well.

    With intimate conversations sometimes one of the participants is just not able to perceive the right weight of each of the information provided. When there is a imbalance in whats communicated and what is treated as an important part, the meaning of the conversation changes.

    I once knew someone who would always hear what they wanted. You could give them 100 negative remarks and 1 good remark they would only remember the good one. Its a pain in the a$$ to deal with such ppl at times.

    • hk
      August 23, 2010 at 9:51 am

      Haas , funny that you mention “……. environment and recent history of the participants …… ” because It reminds me of one of the conversation we had, about how our behavior was selective towards the same set of people and the argument that followed about how a lot depended on the last interaction with a given person , respectively šŸ™‚ ….. i think i call truce here!

      And i think there is room for a certain amount of imbalance in an intimate conversation because it surfaces immediately, because you care or the other person cares about being “aware”. And when its not personal, its purely chance!! You try your best to communicate and hope that the other participant is either smart enough to understand , or proactive enough to question. Thinking about this,given the last few weeks somehow makes me feel that i have better odds at winning a national lottery!!

      I know it sounds overrated …. but the idea of looking into someone’s head and feeding it with rephrased sentences for information that is coherent with your intent, is just too much work at times….

  4. August 22, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    “The meaning of what you are trying to communicate is how the person at the other end takes it.”

    Agreed,but with a qualifier.It also depends on the equation you have with that person.It also depends on how you say what you say and how well you know the other person.

    For example,I am a very blunt and forthright person and I used to be like “This is how I am and if the other person cant handle that,its his/her problem”.While that is true,I learnt the hard way that if I am to maintain my social acquaintances,I have to change the way I speak.While bluntness might work with my closest friends(even appreciated by them),I have had to learn diplomacy and choose my words carefully sometimes,based on how much of straightness the person at the other end can handle!

    Next the equation.Even amongst the closer inner circle,not everything can be said the same way to everyone.With some you can say the most scandalous things and know that its ok and with others,you have to hide that lil devil with the tail šŸ™‚

    P.S: However totally agree on the chat/email conversations.It has a greater scope for misunderstandings.The overuse of “:P” is perhaps just to help avoid that šŸ˜€

    • hk
      August 23, 2010 at 10:48 am

      Now the kind of emotion you elicit ( or wish to elicit ) is relative to the content , tone and the equation with the person.The how you say what you say, is the tone in your voice. But that modulation is lost, when you are communicating electronically which is my loudest cry here!

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